Boom Gum! New product from Yumskers!

[AnubisXy]

Boom Gum! is the latest delicious candy confection released to North America by Yumskers! Inc. Yumskers! is a well known candy company headquartered out of New Lazlo. Though they have gained much renown for their candy, Boom Gum! is considered to be their most spectacular product. It's sold in stores all across North America, and can even be found in such trans-dimensional marketplaces as Cibola, Atlantis and even Phase World!

Boom Gum! was released to the general public through a guerrilla advertising campaign. Yumskers! quietly hired people throughout many of the major cities to put up posters or hide recordings in public places designed to go off at a specific point in time. Their most successful advertisements involved them quoting important Coalition figures out of context, or even completely misquoting them. Their most successful (and subversive) advertisement used a clip from the speech that Emperor Prosek gave not long before the final invasion of Tolkeen.

"Friends... members of the Coalition States... our human brothers throughout the world. Tomorrow we fight a great battle - a battle that could very well guarantee the future of the human race; or simply spell out its destruction. This is a battle in which we cannot fail, we cannot falter." Even Emperor Prosek agrees! We can't falter in the battle for GREAT TASTE! Let new Boom Gum! lead your forces to victory!

Though Prosek himself chose not to comment, several high ranking Coalition officers called the advertisement "nigh-blasphemous" and, "an assault to our dead who gave their lives in the battle for Tolkeen." The Coalition immediately banned the gum and all other candy made by Yumskers!. Thanks almost entirely to the ban, Boom Gum! became one of the best selling candies in North America overnight. Almost anyone who has a bone to pick with the Coalition eats the gum, and most insist that it tastes better than any other. It goes without saying that it's also a big hit on the black markets in Chi-Town and 'Burbs.

After a picture of Joseph Prosek chewing a piece of Boom Gum! was recently made public, Yumskers! released a new advertisement, simply adding a caption to the now infamous photograph - "100% of would-be Imperial heirs agree, despite their father's proclamations - Boom Gum! is delicious!"

Yumskers! has recently announced the creation of a new line of gum, Boom Gum! Tropical, which will have flavors based off of South American cities. They have already released two of the upcoming flavors amidst great fanfare - Cibola Coconut and Omagua Orange.

Boom Gum! comes in five flavors - Chi-Town Cherry, Arzno Apple, El Paso Pineapple, Lazlo Lemon, and Psyscape Strawberry. A final, sixth "flavor" is Tolkeen Trap, which is simply one of the other five flavors in a different wrapping. To simulate eating a piece of candy in game, simply roll a single d6, with each of the numbers representing a different flavor. If a six is rolled, this represents a Tolkeen Trap - reroll the die until a number other than six comes up.

Stats:
Each bag of Boom Gum! contains 12+1d4 random pieces of delicious gum. Anyone who chooses to eat a piece of Boom Gum! immediately takes 3d6x10 points of Flavor Damage. The high amount of damage is caused by the fact that the flavor of the gum is released at three times the speed of taste! Yumskers! claims that Boom Gum! retains its flavor longer than any other piece of gum. While not strictly true, the gum will retain its taste for roughly two hours, plus another 4d6 minutes.

SDC: 5. The bag in which the pieces of Boom Gum! are contained has a mere 5 SDC. Should this SDC be pierced, the Boom Gum! candy will trickle through the hole and rain across the ground like the tears of a recently orphaned child. Each piece of Boom Gum! is tightly wrapped in a piece of wax paper scientifically designed to keep freshness locked in. A single point of SDC damage is enough to tear through the wrapping, causing the candy to harden within 1d6 hours. Hardened candy reduces the amount of Flavor Damage it deals by HALF!

Special Note: A Vagabond can start with pieces of Boom Gum! only with his Game Masters permission. Boom Gum! has several powerful advantages over other types of candy, and it's recommended that the Game Master sit down and carefully consider this before allowing anyone to start with Boom Gum! candy. In case it isn't clear, few tongues can repel flavor of that magnitude.

AnubisXy

[taalismn]

I was sorta expecting chewable plastique...

[Danger]

Too funny. Good enough for a Rifter April Fool's Issue.

[AnubisXy]

I was going through my hard drive and found this - I think it's one of the many things I wrote back in the day and never actually posted. Thought maybe somebody might get a kick out of it. ^_^

AnubisXy

[taalismn]

Well, you succeeded...
I've had a snicker-smirk on for the last hour since reading this...

[Ziggurat the Eternal]

awesomesauce.