Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

1st edition? 2nd edition? It doesnt matter! Let's just talk Palladium Fantasy.

Moderators: Immortals, Supreme Beings, Old Ones

User avatar
Gryphon Chick
Adventurer
Posts: 605
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:01 pm
Comment: "Incredible Cosmic Power! ...teeny tiny living space."
Location: "France...We come from France."

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Gryphon Chick »

JuliusCreed wrote:Subject: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Gryphon Chick wrote:Charonis cooperates fully in getting fitted and waits patiently for further information on the forepromised list of shoes...

As promised... thank you for your patience...

Silver Shoes: Constructed of silver and enchanted to be indestructible(silver IS a pretty soft metal after all) they simply allow kick attacks to damage werewolves, vampires and other creatures harmed by such attacks. Still relatively cheap considering the usual cost of an Indestructible enchantment. Cost 100,000 per set of 4

Horseshoes of Thunderous Attack: Horseshoes enchanted with Thunder Hammer, allowing front and rear kicks to deal an extra 2d6 damage and release a booming clap of thunder when they strike. Cost: 50,000 gold

Non-Slip Horseshoes: Appearing as a standard set of iron horseshoes, once applied they allow a horse (or Centaur) to climb extremely steep surfaces, though not completely vertical, with little chance of slipping or falling. Essentially on very steep surfaces, whatever wears these horseshoes gains a Climb skill of 85%. Cost: 2000 per set of 4

Speed Shoes: Finely crafted set of horseshoes with a few odd symbols engraved on the hoof side. When applied, they double the speed of the creature wearing them. However, the wearer still suffers normal fatigue rates. Cost: 5000 per set of 4

Stealth Shoes: A set of iron horseshoes engraved with odd mystic symbols. When shod onto hooves they muffle the sound of the creatures hoofbeats, either adding a +20% to any Prowl skill they may have or grant the creature a base 65% Prowl skill. Cost: 5000 each or a set of 4 for 15,000

As for your earlier request of horseshoes that leave flaming prints behind... nothing immediately in stock, but I believe I can put something together for you, though beyond leaving an easy to follow trail, I can discern no practical use for such a set... perhaps you have something specific in mind for them?

"Just a trail of wanton destruction is all," Charonis muses. "You did say I could have one free set of these, so I choose a set of four Non-Slip Horseshoes. If anyone else in my group wants a set, which I am sure they will, I shall refer them your way." Charonis accepts a set of the Non-Slip Horseshoes and places them within her saddle bag. "I shall be departing for the inn's stable and shall return later to pick up the tents you were custom crafting for me and will let you know if I decide on anything else."
"Sorry, I'm busy tonight...Same thing I do every night...Trying the take over the world..."
User avatar
SittingBull
Hero
Posts: 1570
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:59 am
Comment: "Its not the destination that matters, its the journey along the way."
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by SittingBull »

JuliusCreed wrote:Hey there! Thanks for coming by the shop. Here's a few things you can find on the shelves;

Cloak of Shadow Meld: Functions as a standard Cloak of Shadows (PFRPG pg 258) with the added bonus of granting the wearer the abilty to Shadow Meld as per the Wizard spell (PFRPG pg 195) This power may be activated up to three times a day for a duration of up to 10 minutes. Cost: 15,000 gold

Stealth Armor: A suit of specially tailored armor, highly popular among thieves, assassins and rangers, usually constructed of chain or double mail, though heavier armor can be made for a higher cost. The armor is enchanted to be noiseless and lightweight as well as a Chameleon enchantment that can be activated up to 3 times a day for 10 melees. Cost: 55,000 gold for Chain or Double Mail, 60,000 for a suit of Scale or Splint, 65,000 for Plate and Chain or Full Plate

Money Changer: An odd device becoming popular with merchants and world travellers, it is a small metal box engraved with strange arcane symbols. It has a few different uses. First, any amount of money or valuables placed in the box, whether gold or silver coins, gems, jewelry or whatever will be transformed into whatever form of valuables the owner desires in equal value. (for example the owner places 250 gold pieces worth of diamonds and silver, and requests it be changed to gold coins, the box will transform them into 250 Gold in gold coins) It can also be used to change the coins' regional origin, like changing Northern gold coins to Eastern. It can change them to Old Kingdom coins as well, but NOT the Old Kingdom Dragon coin. Can only transform a maximum of 5000 gold pieces equivalent per activation. Cost: 2000 gold

Thanks for dropping by. More in the future so check back often. Come back anytime!



The money changer is really nice. I tend to use a unified currency system though sadly.
"Understanding is a three-edged sword."
Kosh from Babylon 5
"You don't understand, so you find excuses."
Doctor Who
"Peace has made you weak. Victory has defeated you."
Bane
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

pblackcrow wrote:
JuliusCreed wrote:The old man gestures slightly with his left hand, slowing everything in the room to a snail's crawl before striding over to the noble with a broad grin and hugging him like a long lost friend. "Welcome, welcome! It has been far too long! Trust me, I can understand the concept of being busy, as you can readily see..." He gestures around the time frozen room with a soft chuckle "As for what you need, of course... anything you like. Paolo Santo wood is going to cost you a bit extra though... it's been a rough season for my materials supplier and his stock has been ravaged by some hard times... Not to worry though, it shouldn't be more than a 25% increase... the rest will come in at standard costs. As for enchanting wood chips... why not just get a couple logs of the desired types and shave them down yourself... saves a heck of a lot on enchantment costs. The cold resistant underwear... I'm glad it's so greatly appreciated. I know it's breaking down by now, which is why I've had my weavers working on more of it since we last met. I've already got a full shipment ready, enough to completely resupply your men. And, I've taken a page from a few tailors I know and incorporated a few methods that should have these lasting a lot longer than the other stuff. Just bring in the old stuff and I'll have the new garments shipped out to you, no charge save for a small shipping fee. Just call it a free upgrade. As for durability, considering everyday wear and tear and occasional heavy stress, I can safely say any of these items should last you at least two years before starting to show any serious wear. Of course, any serious damage... rips, tears, sword cuts and so on, will need to be repaired... I'm just talking about everyday wear and maybe a fight or two a week for your men. Anything beyond that, you'll likely need to replace them in just over a year." He takes a sip from his cup with a slow smile, a Mai Tai appearing in his free hand as he offers it to you. "Got time for a drink?"

"Not a problem on the palo santo.....How much for the logs?" he asks a bit nervously, hoping it will ONLY be in the upper 5-lower 6 digit range for the agarwood.

"Yes, of course, I have time. Thank you. Any news or gossip of note you may have heard that I should know about? Oh, and I came to warn you...There have been a band of thieves that have been successfully looting magic shops in near by fiefdoms. If, for some reason, they should come here; I do advise caution. They don't care to kill bystanders and they have found away around the sanctum spell, and with the stuff their packing they are quite the force no one wants to dead with."

The old man thoughtfully considers a moment before shaking his head. "I can't say I've heard any new or recent gossip lately... between furnishing castles and keeping up with most of the activities in my back room, news has been a rare thing for me to pay attention to. I do appreciate the information on the new thieves running about, though. I'll have to make sure security is tightened a bit around here... perhaps another Baal-Rog on duty would help... or maybe I could talk to Satahlus about that favor he owes me..." He gives a shrug with a quick chuckle. "You never know... oh and the logs should only come in at around 75,000 all told... like I said, the price hike on the Palo Santo isn't really all that much, but it seemed worth mentioning"
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Gryphon Chick wrote:
JuliusCreed wrote:Subject: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Gryphon Chick wrote:Charonis cooperates fully in getting fitted and waits patiently for further information on the forepromised list of shoes...

As promised... thank you for your patience...

Silver Shoes: Constructed of silver and enchanted to be indestructible(silver IS a pretty soft metal after all) they simply allow kick attacks to damage werewolves, vampires and other creatures harmed by such attacks. Still relatively cheap considering the usual cost of an Indestructible enchantment. Cost 100,000 per set of 4

Horseshoes of Thunderous Attack: Horseshoes enchanted with Thunder Hammer, allowing front and rear kicks to deal an extra 2d6 damage and release a booming clap of thunder when they strike. Cost: 50,000 gold

Non-Slip Horseshoes: Appearing as a standard set of iron horseshoes, once applied they allow a horse (or Centaur) to climb extremely steep surfaces, though not completely vertical, with little chance of slipping or falling. Essentially on very steep surfaces, whatever wears these horseshoes gains a Climb skill of 85%. Cost: 2000 per set of 4

Speed Shoes: Finely crafted set of horseshoes with a few odd symbols engraved on the hoof side. When applied, they double the speed of the creature wearing them. However, the wearer still suffers normal fatigue rates. Cost: 5000 per set of 4

Stealth Shoes: A set of iron horseshoes engraved with odd mystic symbols. When shod onto hooves they muffle the sound of the creatures hoofbeats, either adding a +20% to any Prowl skill they may have or grant the creature a base 65% Prowl skill. Cost: 5000 each or a set of 4 for 15,000

As for your earlier request of horseshoes that leave flaming prints behind... nothing immediately in stock, but I believe I can put something together for you, though beyond leaving an easy to follow trail, I can discern no practical use for such a set... perhaps you have something specific in mind for them?

"Just a trail of wanton destruction is all," Charonis muses. "You did say I could have one free set of these, so I choose a set of four Non-Slip Horseshoes. If anyone else in my group wants a set, which I am sure they will, I shall refer them your way." Charonis accepts a set of the Non-Slip Horseshoes and places them within her saddle bag. "I shall be departing for the inn's stable and shall return later to pick up the tents you were custom crafting for me and will let you know if I decide on anything else."

Bubbles gives a short nod, flashing a disturbingly fanged smile. "I'll let the Master know straight away milady... and thank you for your patronage. Do come again anytime."
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:"Not everything was requested impervious to fire," the wizard interjects. "The couches initially ordered were not requested as such, nor were the beds, I don't believe. But Rezzidoo does have a point, plus the gargoyle child belches fire from time to time so there is a need for fireproofing EVERYTHING."

"I am more than happy to go over with you any of the layouts of the castle as revised," the architect explains, "but be mindful that there are natural factors of the rock the castle was built into that cannot be altered. The whole place is unstable, being as it is built right over a den of dragons and a volcanic fissures. If we put in the larger of the refrigerators in the area that was set aside for the kitchen, we could expand part of the kitchen to occupy the area of the hearth without having to add a secondary oven, His Lordship would have to simply make due with smaller dining halls, of which he currently has three, which is excessive anyway. What we could do is make one dining hall in the center of the lower floor, with the kitchen centered around the hearth to the back, placing the two tables and larger one in a 'U' formation. It would require knocking out a couple of walls in the dining area is all, none of which are support beams or anything."

"Some of the gold is cursed, as are some of the items stored in the treasure room, because it was looted from magically protected places. What the wizard failed to inform you of is that his son is a pirate," the dragon explains. "None of the gold you have received so far has come from that we believe to be cursed, but it would be nice to have a method of cleaning such items to remove the curses."


The old man pores over the floorplans with a critical eye, nodding sagely as the notepad flips over and gets a few extra notes scribbled into it by the quill pen. "Fair enough... I'll see to it that everything is fireproofed. It will add a couple of extra weeks to the timeline, but hey... Timiro wasn't built in a day you know. As for the layout of the kitchen, I leave the details to your more than skillful hand, good sir. Whatever you work out, I can work around. Just let me know when the bulk of the work is done on the it and I'll see to it that my part is settled in straight away. As for the cursed treasure... what you need is a form of mass curse removal. That I can offer with this right here... please note however, that it is only a relatively temporary measure until a more thorough and proper Remove Curse ritual can be done..."

Blessing Water: Not to be confused with Holy Water, Blessing Water is used to temporarily counteract the effects of Curses. When applied to a cursed item, the effects of any curse it carries are interrupted and held at bay for 1 week, during which time, the item may be handled without ill effect. Blessed Water may also be used to counter the effects of Deific Curses, but the duration is drastically reduced to only 1 day. Cost: 3000 gold per ounce. About 1/2 ounce is enough to affect any item.

"Just sprinkle as much as you need over whatever is cursed and bring it by... I'll handle any curse removal from there, free of charge."
MrDisturbed wrote:the door bursts open revealing a stout dwarf his face covered in soot his red beard blackened. you dont know what troubles you most his lack of a left arm or the lack of his right eye. "Gorumn One-Eye Blacksmith and hero of DwarvenDale," he says loud and boisterously pointing his stump for an arm in your direction as he does so, "as ye kin see I could use a hand and I hear ye the best at such things!" his one eye sizing you up.
"This gentleman appears to have been waiting quite a while as well," Eryops says as he returns to the shop to check on his armor and sword which were being altered to allow him to transform sizes while wearing them, with other enchantments also.[/quote]
The old man glances over with a slow smile and nods as Eryops' armor saunters out of the back room, sword in hand, to stand before him and give a little catwalk turn of display. "Welcome back, good sir... and yes, he certainly has, hasn't he... I do hope his patience has not run out. As for you, your armor and sword, as you can see, are ready and waiting for you. May they both serve you well."
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

MrDisturbed wrote:the door bursts open revealing a stout dwarf his face covered in soot his red beard blackened. you dont know what troubles you most his lack of a left arm or the lack of his right eye. "Gorumn One-Eye Blacksmith and hero of DwarvenDale," he says loud and boisterously pointing his stump for an arm in your direction as he does so, "as ye kin see I could use a hand and I hear ye the best at such things!" his one eye sizing you up.

The old man approaches with a slightly wearied step and an apologetic smile. "Friend dwarf... my sincerest apologies for my lack of attendance and attentions. As you can see, things have been horribly frantic around my shop. Truth be told, you aren't the only one who could use a hand." He chuckles softly and offers an ornate stein filled with a dark foaming stout. "Sorry... I kid... not laughing at you, but rather with you... have a drink and take a look at what I can offer you..."

Helping Hand: Appearing as a complete steel gauntlet and vambrace, the Helping hand is another of Uncle Remus' exclusive Symbiotic Magic Item line. It may be worn normally over the hand and arm of the user, at which time it takes on a sort of life of its own, guiding the wearer's arm and hand through whatever task he or she is performing, adding a +10% to skill performance where applicable OR a +2 to Strike and Parry in combat. (The wearer chooses the bonus the Helping Hand will grant. Once chosen, it cannot be changed) The Helping Hand may also be used to replace a missing hand and arm, Matching the wearer's PS and PP as well as permanently bonding with him. And finally, this amazing device may be attached to the users body as an extra limb! If this is done, the Helping Hand matches the wearer's PS and PP, grants either of the previous bonuses at half strength (+5% skill performance OR a +1 to Strike and Parry) and gives the wearer an extra attack/action per melee round. However, the wearer will suffer from the obvious problems of having an extra arm, ie, needing customized armor to accomodate, as well as kind of, well, standing out in a crowd. The Helping Hand has an AR of 16 with 100 SDC and regenerates lost SDC at a rate of 5 per hour. If the SDC of the Helping Hand is reduced to 0, it will still regenerate normally, but ceases to function until at least half of its SDC has been replenished. Cost: 250,000 gold

"Now, considering my lack of courtesy in helping you promptly, sir... I am willing to give you this fine item for only half price. Quite a bargain if I do say so myself. And, as an added bonus, if there are any, shall we say, personalized adornments you'd like applied... engraving, studwork and whatnot... I'd be happy to apply them free of charge."
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man pores over the floorplans with a critical eye, nodding sagely as the notepad flips over and gets a few extra notes scribbled into it by the quill pen. "Fair enough... I'll see to it that everything is fireproofed. It will add a couple of extra weeks to the timeline, but hey... Timiro wasn't built in a day you know. As for the layout of the kitchen, I leave the details to your more than skillful hand, good sir. Whatever you work out, I can work around. Just let me know when the bulk of the work is done on the it and I'll see to it that my part is settled in straight away. As for the cursed treasure... what you need is a form of mass curse removal. That I can offer with this right here... please note however, that it is only a relatively temporary measure until a more thorough and proper Remove Curse ritual can be done..."

Blessing Water: Not to be confused with Holy Water, Blessing Water is used to temporarily counteract the effects of Curses. When applied to a cursed item, the effects of any curse it carries are interrupted and held at bay for 1 week, during which time, the item may be handled without ill effect. Blessed Water may also be used to counter the effects of Deific Curses, but the duration is drastically reduced to only 1 day. Cost: 3000 gold per ounce. About 1/2 ounce is enough to affect any item.

"Just sprinkle as much as you need over whatever is cursed and bring it by... I'll handle any curse removal from there, free of charge."

The old man glances over with a slow smile and nods as Eryops' armor saunters out of the back room, sword in hand, to stand before him and give a little catwalk turn of display. "Welcome back, good sir... your armor and sword, as you can see, are ready and waiting for you. May they both serve you well."

The elven wizard nods. "I trust everything will be completed within a few months, so there should be more than enough time."
The architect nods. "The masonry work to destruct and reconstruct the kitchen can be started once final approval is given for the floorplan by Lord Kendragon. It will not take long. Please make notations on the revised floorplan where you wish to install the refrigerator and please not any special considerations you will need as well."

"Ten ounces of the Blessing Water should be enough," Rezzidoo says. "Can we add it to the total amount already owed or would you prefer separate payment for the Blessing Water?"

Eryops accepts his armor and sword graciously. "I trust the additional enchantments were added in addition to the size changing ability? I believe I requested imperviousness to cold for the armor, or impervious to fire if cold protection is unavailable. I had requested increased speed for the sword, but lacking that I suppose making the blade eternally sharp would do."
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
Gryphon Chick
Adventurer
Posts: 605
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:01 pm
Comment: "Incredible Cosmic Power! ...teeny tiny living space."
Location: "France...We come from France."

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Gryphon Chick »

JuliusCreed wrote:Bubbles gives a short nod, flashing a disturbingly fanged smile. "I'll let the Master know straight away milady... and thank you for your patronage. Do come again anytime."
"As I said, I'll be back for the tents, unless he has them finished now," Charonis says.
"You seem quite the useful creature yourself, Bubbles. I don't suppose any of your brethren are looking for employment. We could use a few of your kind to do the more servile work. I'll be at the inn in the stables if you care to send any job-seekers my way."
"Sorry, I'm busy tonight...Same thing I do every night...Trying the take over the world..."
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:The elven wizard nods. "I trust everything will be completed within a few months, so there should be more than enough time."
The architect nods. "The masonry work to destruct and reconstruct the kitchen can be started once final approval is given for the floorplan by Lord Kendragon. It will not take long. Please make notations on the revised floorplan where you wish to install the refrigerator and please not any special considerations you will need as well."

"Ten ounces of the Blessing Water should be enough," Rezzidoo says. "Can we add it to the total amount already owed or would you prefer separate payment for the Blessing Water?"

Eryops accepts his armor and sword graciously. "I trust the additional enchantments were added in addition to the size changing ability? I believe I requested imperviousness to cold for the armor, or impervious to fire if cold protection is unavailable. I had requested increased speed for the sword, but lacking that I suppose making the blade eternally sharp would do."

The old man gives the wizard a nod with a satisfied smile, tearing off a sheet of paper from the notebook and handing it to the architect. "More than enough time then... I'll have everything ready and delivered by the time the final stone is in place. The notations and space requirements I'll need for the freezer and stove are noted here... You should be able to incorporate the adjustments in easily enough as everything is centrally located for convenience sake. if you require any adjustments let me know. The price of the Blessing Water can be included in the total bill... save us all the extra paperwork that way. And yes the additional enchantments have been included... Impervious to cold for the armor and the sword has a Speed Doubler enchantment placed on it identical to the Speed Doubler ability you'll find on some Rune Weapons... a difficult one to recreate in a lesser magical item, but far from impossible." With a broad smile he sweeps his gaze over the group, raising a hand bearing a silver tray laden with oddly shaped glasses bearing tiny paper umbrellas and smelling of strong rum and fruit. "Anyone care for a Mai-Tai?"
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Gryphon Chick wrote:
JuliusCreed wrote:Bubbles gives a short nod, flashing a disturbingly fanged smile. "I'll let the Master know straight away milady... and thank you for your patronage. Do come again anytime."
"As I said, I'll be back for the tents, unless he has them finished now," Charonis says.
"You seem quite the useful creature yourself, Bubbles. I don't suppose any of your brethren are looking for employment. We could use a few of your kind to do the more servile work. I'll be at the inn in the stables if you care to send any job-seekers my way."

The tiny demonic faerie gives a throaty chuckle that reverberates through the room like distant rolling thunder as he gives a little bow. "You are too kind milady, and your offer is most generous... but I am an unique being on this plane of existence and far from being a servile creature. Nevertheless, again your offer is appreciated. Perhaps I can scare up a few... attendants... that might be willing to serve. Until then, be well. Your tents will both be ready by lunch tomorrow. We shall see you then."
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:
Stone Gargoyle wrote:The elven wizard nods. "I trust everything will be completed within a few months, so there should be more than enough time."
The architect nods. "The masonry work to destruct and reconstruct the kitchen can be started once final approval is given for the floorplan by Lord Kendragon. It will not take long. Please make notations on the revised floorplan where you wish to install the refrigerator and please not any special considerations you will need as well."

"Ten ounces of the Blessing Water should be enough," Rezzidoo says. "Can we add it to the total amount already owed or would you prefer separate payment for the Blessing Water?"

Eryops accepts his armor and sword graciously. "I trust the additional enchantments were added in addition to the size changing ability? I believe I requested imperviousness to cold for the armor, or impervious to fire if cold protection is unavailable. I had requested increased speed for the sword, but lacking that I suppose making the blade eternally sharp would do."

The old man gives the wizard a nod with a satisfied smile, tearing off a sheet of paper from the notebook and handing it to the architect. "More than enough time then... I'll have everything ready and delivered by the time the final stone is in place. The notations and space requirements I'll need for the freezer and stove are noted here... You should be able to incorporate the adjustments in easily enough as everything is centrally located for convenience sake. if you require any adjustments let me know. The price of the Blessing Water can be included in the total bill... save us all the extra paperwork that way. And yes the additional enchantments have been included... Impervious to cold for the armor and the sword has a Speed Doubler enchantment placed on it identical to the Speed Doubler ability you'll find on some Rune Weapons... a difficult one to recreate in a lesser magical item, but far from impossible." With a broad smile he sweeps his gaze over the group, raising a hand bearing a silver tray laden with oddly shaped glasses bearing tiny paper umbrellas and smelling of strong rum and fruit. "Anyone care for a Mai-Tai?"
"Very good," the architect says, placing the paper with the notations on a stack of other papers held within a binder which he sets next to the floorplan of the castle. "Oh, yes, thank you," he adds, taking a mai-tai.
The wizard produces the chalice of re-filling he was using from before and has Uncle Remus fill it. Rezzidoo takes a mai-tai as well. Eryops politely refuses the drink, but then takes one anyway with a "what the hell" look on his face.
"I'll have one as well," says Torc the Troll, entering. "I have the wagon here if I can get a few of you to aid me in loading up the portable refrigerator." He is accompanied by an elf with dyed green hair wearing breeches and a short vest, with a cutlass at his waist, and the elven maiden from earlier who had been identified to Uncle Remus as the wizard's daughter Elspeth. The wagon is backed up clear to the door to allow the refrigerator to be loaded.
"Ah, it is good you two are here, we might want to get some blood from you to mark the furniture so it will obey your commands as well as mine," the wizard says.
"All in good time," the green haired pirate elf says. "Let me at least enjoy a mai-tai first."
Inspecting his armor, Eryops removes the armor he wore there in favor of the set returned by Uncle Remus and puts on his newly enchanted set. He places the set he wore into the shop into the back of the wagon, which is occupied by the gargoyle child. "You might want to move Scallywag out of there if we are going to be putting the refrigerator into the wagon. Wouldn't want him getting hurt."
Having taken a mai-tai, Elspeth sets hers down to go over to aid Scallywag in getting out of the wagon.
"There was also still the matter of the advisor-type mirrors which still has not been addressed," the wizard says suddenly, turning to Uncle Remus. "I have heard rumors of something called Angel's Looking Glasses which you might be able to provide?"
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
Gryphon Chick
Adventurer
Posts: 605
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:01 pm
Comment: "Incredible Cosmic Power! ...teeny tiny living space."
Location: "France...We come from France."

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Gryphon Chick »

JuliusCreed wrote:The tiny demonic faerie gives a throaty chuckle that reverberates through the room like distant rolling thunder as he gives a little bow. "You are too kind milady, and your offer is most generous... but I am an unique being on this plane of existence and far from being a servile creature. Nevertheless, again your offer is appreciated. Perhaps I can scare up a few... attendants... that might be willing to serve. Until then, be well. Your tents will both be ready by lunch tomorrow. We shall see you then."
"See you tomorrow, then," the centaur says before heading out into the Land of the Damned to look for her fellow adventurers. "They were supposed to be set up near some caves nearby," she muses to herself...
"Sorry, I'm busy tonight...Same thing I do every night...Trying the take over the world..."
User avatar
pblackcrow
Champion
Posts: 2541
Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2002 1:01 am
Location: On Earth
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by pblackcrow »

JuliusCreed wrote:
pblackcrow wrote:
JuliusCreed wrote:The old man gestures slightly with his left hand, slowing everything in the room to a snail's crawl before striding over to the noble with a broad grin and hugging him like a long lost friend. "Welcome, welcome! It has been far too long! Trust me, I can understand the concept of being busy, as you can readily see..." He gestures around the time frozen room with a soft chuckle "As for what you need, of course... anything you like. Paolo Santo wood is going to cost you a bit extra though... it's been a rough season for my materials supplier and his stock has been ravaged by some hard times... Not to worry though, it shouldn't be more than a 25% increase... the rest will come in at standard costs. As for enchanting wood chips... why not just get a couple logs of the desired types and shave them down yourself... saves a heck of a lot on enchantment costs. The cold resistant underwear... I'm glad it's so greatly appreciated. I know it's breaking down by now, which is why I've had my weavers working on more of it since we last met. I've already got a full shipment ready, enough to completely resupply your men. And, I've taken a page from a few tailors I know and incorporated a few methods that should have these lasting a lot longer than the other stuff. Just bring in the old stuff and I'll have the new garments shipped out to you, no charge save for a small shipping fee. Just call it a free upgrade. As for durability, considering everyday wear and tear and occasional heavy stress, I can safely say any of these items should last you at least two years before starting to show any serious wear. Of course, any serious damage... rips, tears, sword cuts and so on, will need to be repaired... I'm just talking about everyday wear and maybe a fight or two a week for your men. Anything beyond that, you'll likely need to replace them in just over a year." He takes a sip from his cup with a slow smile, a Mai Tai appearing in his free hand as he offers it to you. "Got time for a drink?"

"Not a problem on the palo santo.....How much for the logs?" he asks a bit nervously, hoping it will ONLY be in the upper 5-lower 6 digit range for the agarwood.

"Yes, of course, I have time. Thank you. Any news or gossip of note you may have heard that I should know about? Oh, and I came to warn you...There have been a band of thieves that have been successfully looting magic shops in near by fiefdoms. If, for some reason, they should come here; I do advise caution. They don't care to kill bystanders and they have found away around the sanctum spell, and with the stuff their packing they are quite the force no one wants to dead with."

The old man thoughtfully considers a moment before shaking his head. "I can't say I've heard any new or recent gossip lately... between furnishing castles and keeping up with most of the activities in my back room, news has been a rare thing for me to pay attention to. I do appreciate the information on the new thieves running about, though. I'll have to make sure security is tightened a bit around here... perhaps another Baal-Rog on duty would help... or maybe I could talk to Satahlus about that favor he owes me..." He gives a shrug with a quick chuckle. "You never know... oh and the logs should only come in at around 75,000 all told... like I said, the price hike on the Palo Santo isn't really all that much, but it seemed worth mentioning"

"Understood. I have been busy my self. Um, they have a gorgon head staff, among other things. So, um, do be careful. Ouch, but still far cheaper than that much incense would be, plus a lot easier to work with and to always have it on hand will be nice. So, can't complain there. Not a big deal on the palo santo wood. Plus it is not exactly a ubiquitous commodity in these parts, so that truly is not a problem. I will send my squires to collect it. Just send a magic pigeon when the rest of the stuff gets here. Or put bubbles in a sling shot." With that he will give you a 24 sided, double point, vogel cut, flawless crystal, with a cobalt blue color, and length 84mm, but heavier then quarts. "This should more than cover the total. Put whatever is left on a tab." He bows, and grasps his cloak to go around him, and puts his hood up. "Let me know if you when you get a crystal skull in." (On closer inspection it is diamond.)
Ankh, udja, seneb.
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:"Very good," the architect says, placing the paper with the notations on a stack of other papers held within a binder which he sets next to the floorplan of the castle. "Oh, yes, thank you," he adds, taking a mai-tai.
The wizard produces the chalice of re-filling he was using from before and has Uncle Remus fill it. Rezzidoo takes a mai-tai as well. Eryops politely refuses the drink, but then takes one anyway with a "what the hell" look on his face.
"I'll have one as well," says Torc the Troll, entering. "I have the wagon here if I can get a few of you to aid me in loading up the portable refrigerator." He is accompanied by an elf with dyed green hair wearing breeches and a short vest, with a cutlass at his waist, and the elven maiden from earlier who had been identified to Uncle Remus as the wizard's daughter Elspeth. The wagon is backed up clear to the door to allow the refrigerator to be loaded.
"Ah, it is good you two are here, we might want to get some blood from you to mark the furniture so it will obey your commands as well as mine," the wizard says.
"All in good time," the green haired pirate elf says. "Let me at least enjoy a mai-tai first."
Inspecting his armor, Eryops removes the armor he wore there in favor of the set returned by Uncle Remus and puts on his newly enchanted set. He places the set he wore into the shop into the back of the wagon, which is occupied by the gargoyle child. "You might want to move Scallywag out of there if we are going to be putting the refrigerator into the wagon. Wouldn't want him getting hurt."
Having taken a mai-tai, Elspeth sets hers down to go over to aid Scallywag in getting out of the wagon.
"There was also still the matter of the advisor-type mirrors which still has not been addressed," the wizard says suddenly, turning to Uncle Remus. "I have heard rumors of something called Angel's Looking Glasses which you might be able to provide?"

The old man furrows a brow with an expression of mild consternation before nodding a bit. "I take it Bubbles spilled that little tidbit... yes, in fact I have a very few of them, though I am reluctant to let them go. They have a bit of a history, you see..."

Angel's Looking Glass: A unique and powerful item, the Angel's Looking Glass appears as a roughly 6 foot tall oval mirror set in a gilt golden frame of very intricate design. The mirror itself is striking in that it is made from a single sheet of highly polished silver rather than silvered glass. Despite being made of metal, the entire thing, including frame, is relatively lightweight, weighing in at a total of about 10 lbs. The real kicker is in the details though. Upon very close inspection, one can see the entire surface of the mirror is completely covered in runes so tiny as to be nearly indistinguishable from the rest of the surface to the naked eye. The techniques used to create this powerful rune artifact are similar to the creation of the famed Rune Weapons and are likewise lost to antiquity. Rumor has it that only a dozen of these Rune Mirrors were made, their locations scattered across the lands and even other dimensions. Like Rune Weapons, the Rune Mirrors have a living entity forever locked within them, granting the object a life and personality of its own. It is capable of communicating with its owner via telepathy or by speaking aloud (speaking aloud is the default method of communication). When communicating, the polished surface of the mirror darkens and fogs over a bit before a ghostly face appears in the depths of the surface. The power of the mirror is both singular and spectacular; the power of Precognition. At anytime, the owner of the mirror may ask it what the future holds for a particular sequence of events. The mirror will reflect back a precognitive glimpse of the most likely outcome. Please bear in mind, whatever is shown in the mirror is only one of an infinite number of possibilities... it is just the most likely possibility that would come to pass unless an outside influence alters the revealed outcome. In game terms, treat the spirit within the mirrors as a precognitive force with an accuracy rate of 85%. Cost: As a Rune item, and due to their relative rarity (only a dozen said to exist) these mirrors are effectively priceless. If one were to be sold, the price could easily reach the area of 10+ million

"Now of course, I'm almost certain that even one of these may be too pricey, even for you, although considering we're already looking at a collective tab hitting the tens of millions mark here with what you've purchased so far, the price of one of these may not be a concern to you. My basic point is, if you really want one, I will be happy to sell it to you. Just understand, I know all too well the power of the future... and for all intents, there is no other item like them in the world that can do what you are asking save hiring an actual person to act as an advisor rather than relying on an ancient and dangerous mystic item to answer your questions. If you ask me, I figure why ask other people or magic items for advice anyway? You're a grown man, why not make your own decisions?" He gives a wry smile and a low chuckle before taking up the lone teacup from the tray and sipping the steaming brew as the silver tray vanishes with a quick flash of light, a sound outside the door of steel squealing in protest as the wagon's suspension is suddenly very sorely tested by the weight of a huge metal box appearing in the back of it. "Ahh... seems your 'portable' refrigerator has arrived...."
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man furrows a brow with an expression of mild consternation before nodding a bit. "I take it Bubbles spilled that little tidbit... yes, in fact I have a very few of them, though I am reluctant to let them go. They have a bit of a history, you see..."

Angel's Looking Glass: A unique and powerful item, the Angel's Looking Glass appears as a roughly 6 foot tall oval mirror set in a gilt golden frame of very intricate design. The mirror itself is striking in that it is made from a single sheet of highly polished silver rather than silvered glass. Despite being made of metal, the entire thing, including frame, is relatively lightweight, weighing in at a total of about 10 lbs. The real kicker is in the details though. Upon very close inspection, one can see the entire surface of the mirror is completely covered in runes so tiny as to be nearly indistinguishable from the rest of the surface to the naked eye. The techniques used to create this powerful rune artifact are similar to the creation of the famed Rune Weapons and are likewise lost to antiquity. Rumor has it that only a dozen of these Rune Mirrors were made, their locations scattered across the lands and even other dimensions. Like Rune Weapons, the Rune Mirrors have a living entity forever locked within them, granting the object a life and personality of its own. It is capable of communicating with its owner via telepathy or by speaking aloud (speaking aloud is the default method of communication). When communicating, the polished surface of the mirror darkens and fogs over a bit before a ghostly face appears in the depths of the surface. The power of the mirror is both singular and spectacular; the power of Precognition. At anytime, the owner of the mirror may ask it what the future holds for a particular sequence of events. The mirror will reflect back a precognitive glimpse of the most likely outcome. Please bear in mind, whatever is shown in the mirror is only one of an infinite number of possibilities... it is just the most likely possibility that would come to pass unless an outside influence alters the revealed outcome. In game terms, treat the spirit within the mirrors as a precognitive force with an accuracy rate of 85%. Cost: As a Rune item, and due to their relative rarity (only a dozen said to exist) these mirrors are effectively priceless. If one were to be sold, the price could easily reach the area of 10+ million

"Now of course, I'm almost certain that even one of these may be too pricey, even for you, although considering we're already looking at a collective tab hitting the tens of millions mark here with what you've purchased so far, the price of one of these may not be a concern to you. My basic point is, if you really want one, I will be happy to sell it to you. Just understand, I know all too well the power of the future... and for all intents, there is no other item like them in the world that can do what you are asking save hiring an actual person to act as an advisor rather than relying on an ancient and dangerous mystic item to answer your questions. If you ask me, I figure why ask other people or magic items for advice anyway? You're a grown man, why not make your own decisions?" He gives a wry smile and a low chuckle before taking up the lone teacup from the tray and sipping the steaming brew as the silver tray vanishes with a quick flash of light, a sound outside the door of steel squealing in protest as the wagon's suspension is suddenly very sorely tested by the weight of a huge metal box appearing in the back of it. "Ahh... seems your 'portable' refrigerator has arrived...."

Rezzidoo suddenly glares at the elven wizard. "It would be folly to pay for such an item as this," he says.
"I must agree," the elven wizard states, sipping from his chalice, "it is far too expensive. I had really thought that you might have something less expensive than this. To pay for such mirrors would ruin me or set my family into a debt we could not repay."
Torc and Eryops board the wagon now carrying the refrigerator and the vehicle strains to pull away from the door.
"Now that my family is here, we might see about the first installment of blood needed for the marking of the furniture," the wizard says.
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:Rezzidoo suddenly glares at the elven wizard. "It would be folly to pay for such an item as this," he says.
"I must agree," the elven wizard states, sipping from his chalice, "it is far too expensive. I had really thought that you might have something less expensive than this. To pay for such mirrors would ruin me or set my family into a debt we could not repay."
Torc and Eryops board the wagon now carrying the refrigerator and the vehicle strains to pull away from the door.
"Now that my family is here, we might see about the first installment of blood needed for the marking of the furniture," the wizard says.

The old man gives a nod with an understanding smile. "Magic is capable of many things, but sometimes people can come to rely too heavily on it. No offense to you personally, but such a large quantity of magic furniture, appliances and household accessories borders on being too much of a good thing. Trust me, I can understand the benefits of having an oven that maintains a constant temperature and cooks my meals for me, or a mirror that can advise me on subjects I have little to no experience with, or even a tapestry with the express purpose of doing nothing more than providing entertainment. But in the end, all the magic in the worlds cannot replace good old fashioned human ingenuity. I, for one, truly believe the Elves and Dwarves had a pretty solid idea with the magical purge after the Great War. The more advanced, specialized and most importantly, widespread magical power gets, the more dangerous it becomes when it falls into the wrong hands... learn the hard lesson your ancestors discovered now and trust that maybe they had a good idea of what they were doing." After taking another sip from his cup he sets it to the side to let it float off as he gestures to the curtain behind the counter, Bubbles the demon faerie flitting out from behind with a toothy grin and pulling it open. "Of course, any time you're all ready for the blood donations, just follow Bubbles there... he shall see to the procedure in as quick and efficient a manner as I myself could, whilst I tend to a few other details with the deliveries and any other customers that happen to drop by." With a warm smile he waves a hand to the front door, the horses giving a startled whickering as the wagon suddenly lurches forward, the refrigerator nearly toppling off as its weight is drastically reduced.
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man gives a nod with an understanding smile. "Magic is capable of many things, but sometimes people can come to rely too heavily on it. No offense to you personally, but such a large quantity of magic furniture, appliances and household accessories borders on being too much of a good thing. Trust me, I can understand the benefits of having an oven that maintains a constant temperature and cooks my meals for me, or a mirror that can advise me on subjects I have little to no experience with, or even a tapestry with the express purpose of doing nothing more than providing entertainment. But in the end, all the magic in the worlds cannot replace good old fashioned human ingenuity. I, for one, truly believe the Elves and Dwarves had a pretty solid idea with the magical purge after the Great War. The more advanced, specialized and most importantly, widespread magical power gets, the more dangerous it becomes when it falls into the wrong hands... learn the hard lesson your ancestors discovered now and trust that maybe they had a good idea of what they were doing." After taking another sip from his cup he sets it to the side to let it float off as he gestures to the curtain behind the counter, Bubbles the demon faerie flitting out from behind with a toothy grin and pulling it open. "Of course, any time you're all ready for the blood donations, just follow Bubbles there... he shall see to the procedure in as quick and efficient a manner as I myself could, whilst I tend to a few other details with the deliveries and any other customers that happen to drop by." With a warm smile he waves a hand to the front door, the horses giving a startled whickering as the wagon suddenly lurches forward, the refrigerator nearly toppling off as its weight is drastically reduced.
"Truth be told, it was not originally my intention to buy so much," the elven wizard explains, "but I am sure you appreciate the lure of having things done by magic or you would not be in the trade you are in."
Finishing his mai-tai, the green haired elf says, "I am ready, father."
"Someone will need to mind the child," the daughter says. "I trust you won't be allowing it the control of any of the furniture."
"Certainly not," the wizard says. "We can't even be sure how long he will remain with us once he gets older."
"If that is all, I shall be going," Rezzidoo says. "If I think of anything else, good shopkeep, I shall come again."
"Will you be needing me to hang around or am I free to go as well?" the architect inquires. "After all, the sooner we get back to work the sooner Uncle Remus here will be able to finish with the kitchen."
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:"Truth be told, it was not originally my intention to buy so much," the elven wizard explains, "but I am sure you appreciate the lure of having things done by magic or you would not be in the trade you are in."
Finishing his mai-tai, the green haired elf says, "I am ready, father."
"Someone will need to mind the child," the daughter says. "I trust you won't be allowing it the control of any of the furniture."
"Certainly not," the wizard says. "We can't even be sure how long he will remain with us once he gets older."
"If that is all, I shall be going," Rezzidoo says. "If I think of anything else, good shopkeep, I shall come again."
"Will you be needing me to hang around or am I free to go as well?" the architect inquires. "After all, the sooner we get back to work the sooner Uncle Remus here will be able to finish with the kitchen."

The old man glances to Rezzidoo with a welcoming smile as the curtain parts for the family, Bubbles flitting back into the shadows. "I look forward to your return, friend dragon. My door is always open. And don't worry about the gargoyle... Scallywag was his name, right?... he'll be well tended to until you're all finished." He gives a warm grin and gestures softly, a squeal of delight heard a moment later as the gargoyle finds and begins devouring another candy treat.
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

From outside the shop and through the closed door comes a strange and frightening cacophony of sounds. It sounds like an angry old man swearing, a terrible beast snarling, and someone trying to clear a throat full of phlegm all jumbled together. As the sounds grows louder and closer, the door is pushed open and in steps a grey furred, black striped tiger man.
He's dressed in several layers of dirty, faded, threadbare mismatched clothing and clutches a large duffel bag to his chest like it may be his only possession in the world. Through the layers of grimy clothes you can tell the tiger person is very thin and looks like he may not eat regularly. However he moves with a fluid grace and power that quickly suggests it would be wise not to underestimate him. Several looks flit across his eyes. He appears to be having trouble making up his mind between shocked disbelief or rage at what might be one more very strange incident in a growing list of weird occurrences. Glancing around once more and deciding this is, in fact, real he stalks toward the counter.
The man-tiger peels his lips back and opens his mouth revealing a maw full of ferociously large, sharp teeth and begins to make harsh rasping noises in your direction. What you hear at first leads you to believe he is either snarling at you or choking to death before your eyes. As you listen, you're able to catch what are seemingly words in English. "Snargle..(snarl+gargle)..growl..alleyway...million times..never..gruulll...shop," it says looking around. It continues, "Beat down..grlllllaaargh...squatter.haaarrrrkkk..mine now. Soon..snaarrll..shut off..llllggggl..in dark..no water..chhuufffff.." "Hoo doo..ppprrrllll..awn shop.. old cranky Jew..yerowal..ask..ggggrrrrrrRemus," it finally finishes giving you a skeptical look.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:From outside the shop and through the closed door comes a strange and frightening cacophony of sounds. It sounds like an angry old man swearing, a terrible beast snarling, and someone trying to clear a throat full of phlegm all jumbled together. As the sounds grows louder and closer, the door is pushed open and in steps a grey furred, black striped tiger man.
He's dressed in several layers of dirty, faded, threadbare mismatched clothing and clutches a large duffel bag to his chest like it may be his only possession in the world. Through the layers of grimy clothes you can tell the tiger person is very thin and looks like he may not eat regularly. However he moves with a fluid grace and power that quickly suggests it would be wise not to underestimate him. Several looks flit across his eyes. He appears to be having trouble making up his mind between shocked disbelief or rage at what might be one more very strange incident in a growing list of weird occurrences. Glancing around once more and deciding this is, in fact, real he stalks toward the counter.
The man-tiger peels his lips back and opens his mouth revealing a maw full of ferociously large, sharp teeth and begins to make harsh rasping noises in your direction. What you hear at first leads you to believe he is either snarling at you or choking to death before your eyes. As you listen, you're able to catch what are seemingly words in English. "Snargle..(snarl+gargle)..growl..alleyway...million times..never..gruulll...shop," it says looking around. It continues, "Beat down..grlllllaaargh...squatter.haaarrrrkkk..mine now. Soon..snaarrll..shut off..llllggggl..in dark..no water..chhuufffff.." "Hoo doo..ppprrrllll..awn shop.. old cranky Jew..yerowal..ask..ggggrrrrrrRemus," it finally finishes giving you a skeptical look.

The old man glances up from the counter as the noise approaches, a bushy brow lofting behind crystal spectacles in an expression of mild concern and light interest until the tiger man bursts in. Sweeping his gaze over the scrawny and bedraggled form and noting the duffel bag with a look of keen interest. An amused chuckle almost escapes his lips as the creature begins trying to speak, listening intently and nodding slowly as he gradually interprets what is being said. "While you may have never seen this shop in your newly acquired alleyway before, I can assure you that at some point in time or another it has always been there, just as it is this very moment. Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane... and yes... I am Uncle Remus. before I serve your needs, perhaps you would be so kind as to drink this tonic. I assure you, it will not harm you in any way, though your speech will become much clearer." The old man smiles reassuringly, offering a small crystal vial filled with what appears to be pure clean water.
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man glances up from the counter as the noise approaches, a bushy brow lofting behind crystal spectacles in an expression of mild concern and light interest until the tiger man bursts in. Sweeping his gaze over the scrawny and bedraggled form and noting the duffel bag with a look of keen interest. An amused chuckle almost escapes his lips as the creature begins trying to speak, listening intently and nodding slowly as he gradually interprets what is being said. "While you may have never seen this shop in your newly acquired alleyway before, I can assure you that at some point in time or another it has always been there, just as it is this very moment. Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane... and yes... I am Uncle Remus. before I serve your needs, perhaps you would be so kind as to drink this tonic. I assure you, it will not harm you in any way, though your speech will become much clearer." The old man smiles reassuringly, offering a small crystal vial filled with what appears to be pure clean water.

(edited..again. Can't get happy with the end bit, but this is close enough.)

With a shrug and one arm wrapped tightly around his duffel bag the tiger man takes the vial, raises it in a toast and tosses it back. Clearly not expecting what he got, the tiger man smiles, licks his whiskers and says, "Hey, that's not bad. It's no free beer, but still.", in a very gravelly but much clearer voice.

"Guess I'll start at the beginning. So me and Ernie were out scavenging near the shore, when wouldn't you know it, it starts to rain. Well after that crap with Sandy 2 guys like us know better than to be caught outside away from the mission. So we look up from the dumpster we're picking through and there, nice as you please, is this little beach house. Since when do they have beach houses in New York, I don't know, but there it was anyway. As we're eyeballing the place, thinking maybe whoever lives there will let us in out of the rain and maybe spare a sandwich, out walks this hairy biker fella. He jumps on his hog and takes off like it's a breezy summer day, paying no attention to the rain threatening to drown everyone else.
Well we figure it like this; if there's no one home then there ain't no one to tell us we can't come in. So over we go only to find this putz has locked the door behind him. Not to be deterred or drowned like rats we found a conveniently open window and made our way inside. The place was a wreck, trash and video cassettes everywhere, but damned if the fridge wasn't stocked full.
Not letting an opportunity go to waste, me and Ernie dump out these suitcases we found in one of the other rooms and start packing them full of what’s in the fridge. No sooner do we get them latched up, than the schmuck comes back in strolling through the front door. Acting like he owns the place, he asks what we think we're doing in his kitchen. I tell him we're from the city health department and the contents of his fridge were about to go bad, so we're disposing of them as a matter of public service." Obviously thinking he's very clever, the tiger man grins at what to him was a witty retort.
"Now get this. The biker guy looks me dead in the face, without twitching. Usually I get at least a twitch, and says to me, "wrong answer ass hat." Then all the skin and meat peels away from his head and his frikkin' skull catches fire!!
So I haul off and hit him as hard as I can with the suitcase full of food from the fridge, and he just grins at me. I go to give him a good clawing and he steps out of the way like I was some kind of yutz. I try again and he just grabs my wrist out of the air.
'Bout that time the biker guy, who now has a flaming skull for a head, lifts me up off the ground with one hand and is dangling me by my wrist. With his free hand he pulls out this blade and makes to stick me with it. I may eat handouts and from dumpsters, but I ain't a total slouch. Twice I was able to knock his hand away before he manages to finally shank me a good one.
Now Ernie, God knows what he was doing, decides to come to my rescue. He pulls out his blackjack and WHAM WHAM WHAM nails the guy in the sack like he was Babe frikkin Ruth knocking homers out of the park. Seeing my chance I give the guy 3 good rakes with the claws on my free hand when POOF he just disappears, dropping me on my striped ass. All that was left of the guy was his knife, and a steel 6 sided die on a necklace.
Now squatter’s rights say, since we took the place in a fair fight it's ours now. Trouble is, me and Ernie got no way to keep the lights and water on, or the fridge stocked up. No way can we get jobs, being like we are. And there ain't no chance we can make enough from scrappin' and the ..uhh..creative and unexpected liberation of goods to pay the bills.
So I went down to see Freddy the Fence and he's not buying anything. Says the stuff I got is not what his customers want. That leaves the Old Cranky Jew what runs that Hoodoo pawn shop on 9th. He gave me a good price for the weird stuff I...found.., like those silver candle sticks with the black candles and those three wavy bladed knives, but he don't like me showing up in the middle of the night. I asked him if he needs any favors in exchange for a few bucks to keep the lights on a little longer. He tells me no, but he heard tell of a guy called Uncle Remus who might have a more permanent solution my problems. I ain't got a lot of choices so I tell him I'll give it a shot. He gives me an address then throws me out of his shop. Now I know NYC like I know my own stripes and there ain't no shop at the address he gave me. Hell, it ain't even supposed to be a real address, there ain't no such streets. But I kept walking, like it was a real place. I turned the corner thinking that I was being made for a mook, and there your door is staring me in the face. I should be in the east river after following those directions.

So now that I'm here I ask ya, How can you help me out and what do want in return? If it's work you want done instead of payment I can do that too. I'll tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind working as long as it was a normal job of some sort. Too much lately my days have been getting weirder and weirder. First it was that jerkass who knocked me down and spilled my fish sticks while he was on his way to sacrifice that girl. Then it was that Giant Bear that bit me. Turns out it wasn't a bear, but a cursed gypsy what bit me. Passed the curse on to me, so when I got hurt really bad I'd turn into this big murderin' demon bear thing. I'm still fuzzy on the details. I got rid of that finally by tearing off the gypsy's head and mushing it to paste. Ticked his old gypsy wife off but good. But what a crazy week that was. Fall asleep in the mission, have these acid trip type dreams, then wake up naked in Central Park with leaves and dirt matted in my fur. And then the flaming skull biker guy who vanished when we beat his ass. I've had enough weirdness to suit me fine. Give me a broom and a mop, or have me move your stuff around. I ain't picky. Hell I'll steal the centerpiece exhibit from the Met or the Guggenheim, just no more weird ****.

Oh, you'll have to forgive my lack of manners. I don't normally do this much talking, especially to strangers. People, who don't run screaming, come to know me as Smokey Joe Gargle."
Last edited by The Oh So Amazing Nate on Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:49 am, edited 4 times in total.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man glances to Rezzidoo with a welcoming smile as the curtain parts for the family, Bubbles flitting back into the shadows. "I look forward to your return, friend dragon. My door is always open. And don't worry about the gargoyle... Scallywag was his name, right?... he'll be well tended to until you're all finished." He gives a warm grin and gestures softly, a squeal of delight heard a moment later as the gargoyle finds and begins devouring another candy treat.
The family follows Bubbles behind the curtain even as Rezzidoo and the architect leave the shop. The squire who was acting as messenger for the elven wizard remains in the main room, looking around the shop, as he has not been dismissed and is rather intrigued by all the wondrous items..
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

JuliusCreed wrote:Too long since I've put anything up here... Time for some new products!!

Magic Tobacco
In addition to Talespinner's Blend, Changeling Chew and Vile Chaw, we have a few other handy tobaccos for your smoking and chewing pleasure. Enjoy!
Sleepytime: When smoked, this tobacco produces a fine, aromatic smoke with a pleasant hint of lavender. Those within the area of effect, a roughly 10 foot area, must make a saving throw versus fumes every melee round they are within the area or fall into a deep and restful sleep that will last for 8 hours. After the 8 hour duration, victims will awaken fully refreshed and rested. All Hit Points, SDC, PPE and even ISP will be fully restored to maximum levels afterward as well. The smoke cloud produced by the tobacco lasts for 5 minutes before dissipating. The drawback is that the victims CANNOT be awakened under ANY circumstances, making them terribly vulnerable to attacks while they are asleep. Second, the person actually smoking the tobacco, is impervious to the effects, so the user will not gain any of the benefits of the magic sleep, unless another person in the group happens to be smoking Sleepytime as well. Then he must save like the rest. Cost: 5000 gold per ounce. One ounce is good for 2 uses.


If the "smoker" is immune to the effects, could it be instead burnt like incense and thereby effect everyone within the cloud? Sounds like a gods send for any camp healer.
Last edited by The Oh So Amazing Nate on Wed Feb 27, 2013 6:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
Gryphon Chick
Adventurer
Posts: 605
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:01 pm
Comment: "Incredible Cosmic Power! ...teeny tiny living space."
Location: "France...We come from France."

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Gryphon Chick »

The lady centaur returns to the shop the next day to pick up her tents. Accompanying her is a rather scraggly looking Puck.
"You better behave yourself in here," the centaur warns, "otherwise I will drag you out of the shop myself."
"Sorry, I'm busy tonight...Same thing I do every night...Trying the take over the world..."
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

Joe shifts restlessly, his tail beginning to swish from side to side. Looking around uneasily and wondering where the shop keeper disappeared to, he thinks to himself, 'he was JUST here'. Finally, growing a bit agitated, he starts muttering to himself as the tonic begins to wear off and his usual rough voice comes back, "Oh just frrrrrrrrikken wugh nderrrrful. Juust ....chhuurrlll.... whaat I dohn't neeghhhd. snnnnarrrll... MmmROAR...weirrrrrrrrrd ****"
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

Is anyone in contact with Julius? I hope nothing terrible has happened to him/her that would keep him from obsessively prowling the forums like the rest of us.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:With a shrug and one arm wrapped tightly around his duffel bag the tiger man takes the vial, raises it in a toast and tosses it back. Clearly not expecting what he got, the tiger man smiles, licks his whiskers and says, "Hey, that's not bad. It's no free beer, but still.", in a very gravelly but much clearer voice.

"Guess I'll start at the beginning. So me and Ernie were out scavenging near the shore, when wouldn't you know it, it starts to rain. Well after that crap with Sandy 2 guys like us know better than to be caught outside away from the mission. So we look up from the dumpster we're picking through and there, nice as you please, is this little beach house. Since when do they have beach houses in New York, I don't know, but there it was anyway. As we're eyeballing the place, thinking maybe whoever lives there will let us in out of the rain and maybe spare a sandwich, out walks this hairy biker fella. He jumps on his hog and takes off like it's a breezy summer day, paying no attention to the rain threatening to drown everyone else.
Well we figure it like this; if there's no one home then there ain't no one to tell us we can't come in. So over we go only to find this putz has locked the door behind him. Not to be deterred or drowned like rats we found a conveniently open window and made our way inside. The place was a wreck, trash and video cassettes everywhere, but damned if the fridge wasn't stocked full.
Not letting an opportunity go to waste, me and Ernie dump out these suitcases we found in one of the other rooms and start packing them full of what’s in the fridge. No sooner do we get them latched up, than the schmuck comes back in strolling through the front door. Acting like he owns the place, he asks what we think we're doing in his kitchen. I tell him we're from the city health department and the contents of his fridge were about to go bad, so we're disposing of them as a matter of public service." Obviously thinking he's very clever, the tiger man grins at what to him was a witty retort.
"Now get this. The biker guy looks me dead in the face, without twitching. Usually I get at least a twitch, and says to me, "wrong answer ass hat." Then all the skin and meat peels away from his head and his frikkin' skull catches fire!!
So I haul off and hit him as hard as I can with the suitcase full of food from the fridge, and he just grins at me. I go to give him a good clawing and he steps out of the way like I was some kind of yutz. I try again and he just grabs my wrist out of the air.
'Bout that time the biker guy, who now has a flaming skull for a head, lifts me up off the ground with one hand and is dangling me by my wrist. With his free hand he pulls out this blade and makes to stick me with it. I may eat handouts and from dumpsters, but I ain't a total slouch. Twice I was able to knock his hand away before he manages to finally shank me a good one.
Now Ernie, God knows what he was doing, decides to come to my rescue. He pulls out his blackjack and WHAM WHAM WHAM nails the guy in the sack like he was Babe frikkin Ruth knocking homers out of the park. Seeing my chance I give the guy 3 good rakes with the claws on my free hand when POOF he just disappears, dropping me on my striped ass. All that was left of the guy was his knife, and a steel 6 sided die on a necklace.
Now squatter’s rights say, since we took the place in a fair fight it's ours now. Trouble is, me and Ernie got no way to keep the lights and water on, or the fridge stocked up. No way can we get jobs, being like we are. And there ain't no chance we can make enough from scrappin' and the ..uhh..creative and unexpected liberation of goods to pay the bills.
So I went down to see Freddy the Fence and he's not buying anything. Says the stuff I got is not what his customers want. That leaves the Old Cranky Jew what runs that Hoodoo pawn shop on 9th. He gave me a good price for the weird stuff I...found.., like those silver candle sticks with the black candles and those three wavy bladed knives, but he don't like me showing up in the middle of the night. I asked him if he needs any favors in exchange for a few bucks to keep the lights on a little longer. He tells me no, but he heard tell of a guy called Uncle Remus who might have a more permanent solution my problems. I ain't got a lot of choices so I tell him I'll give it a shot. He gives me an address then throws me out of his shop. Now I know NYC like I know my own stripes and there ain't no shop at the address he gave me. Hell, it ain't even supposed to be a real address, there ain't no such streets. But I kept walking, like it was a real place. I turned the corner thinking that I was being made for a mook, and there your door is staring me in the face. I should be in the east river after following those directions.

So now that I'm here I ask ya, How can you help me out and what do want in return? If it's work you want done instead of payment I can do that too. I'll tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind working as long as it was a normal job of some sort. Too much lately my days have been getting weirder and weirder. First it was that jerkass who knocked me down and spilled my fish sticks while he was on his way to sacrifice that girl. Then it was that Giant Bear that bit me. Turns out it wasn't a bear, but a cursed gypsy what bit me. Passed the curse on to me, so when I got hurt really bad I'd turn into this big murderin' demon bear thing. I'm still fuzzy on the details. I got rid of that finally by tearing off the gypsy's head and mushing it to paste. Ticked his old gypsy wife off but good. But what a crazy week that was. Fall asleep in the mission, have these acid trip type dreams, then wake up naked in Central Park with leaves and dirt matted in my fur. And then the flaming skull biker guy who vanished when we beat his ass. I've had enough weirdness to suit me fine. Give me a broom and a mop, or have me move your stuff around. I ain't picky. Hell I'll steal the centerpiece exhibit from the Met or the Guggenheim, just no more weird ****.

Oh, you'll have to forgive my lack of manners. I don't normally do this much talking, especially to strangers. People, who don't run screaming, come to know me as Smokey Joe Gargle."

The old man listens to the tiger man's story with an odd mix of curiosity and amusement flashing through his eyes every so often, particularly at the part about finding his shop here. With an understanding nod he waves his hand, his old rocking chair sliding up behind him as the fireplace roars to life, settling into his chair with a steaming cup of tea as a comfortable looking armchair bounds up behind Smokey Joe, gesturing for him to have a seat. "When it comes to jobs I can offer, yes, I have a few things I can think of that can be done... nothing too terribly taxing or illegal... well, maybe fracturing the occasional law will be necessary, but not very often and I'm sure you could handle it. I have to warn you though... you will likely have to deal with a good deal of weird if you work for me. I know you'd like to avoid that kind of thing, but let's face it... you're coming to a place called 'The Emporium of the Arcane', referred by a cranky old Jew that runs a second rate voodoo shop in Queens and... " he gives a slight wave of his hand causing a dim flash of light to reveal the pair of faeries at the Smokey Joe's feet apparently trying to tie his shoelaces together. With a startled squeal they vanish in a puff of glittery purple smoke as the old man continues. "Well let's just say that one man's weird is another man's mundane. One thing that does interest me, though, is what you may have left in that bag of yours. You said the HooDoo Jew was able to take the weird stuff off your hands, but I'd like to see what else you have, particularly if Freddy the Fence wasn't interested. Of course I'll give you a good price for anything that sparks my interest as well and we'll still be able to discuss the possibility of a job."
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:The family follows Bubbles behind the curtain even as Rezzidoo and the architect leave the shop. The squire who was acting as messenger for the elven wizard remains in the main room, looking around the shop, as he has not been dismissed and is rather intrigued by all the wondrous items..

Remus gives a short bow and a warm smile to each as they pass by, glancing to the curious squire with a devilish grin and a twinkle in his bespectacled eye. "And you, young man... is there anything you see that piques your interest?"
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:
JuliusCreed wrote:Too long since I've put anything up here... Time for some new products!!

Magic Tobacco
In addition to Talespinner's Blend, Changeling Chew and Vile Chaw, we have a few other handy tobaccos for your smoking and chewing pleasure. Enjoy!
Sleepytime: When smoked, this tobacco produces a fine, aromatic smoke with a pleasant hint of lavender. Those within the area of effect, a roughly 10 foot area, must make a saving throw versus fumes every melee round they are within the area or fall into a deep and restful sleep that will last for 8 hours. After the 8 hour duration, victims will awaken fully refreshed and rested. All Hit Points, SDC, PPE and even ISP will be fully restored to maximum levels afterward as well. The smoke cloud produced by the tobacco lasts for 5 minutes before dissipating. The drawback is that the victims CANNOT be awakened under ANY circumstances, making them terribly vulnerable to attacks while they are asleep. Second, the person actually smoking the tobacco, is impervious to the effects, so the user will not gain any of the benefits of the magic sleep, unless another person in the group happens to be smoking Sleepytime as well. Then he must save like the rest. Cost: 5000 gold per ounce. One ounce is good for 2 uses.

If the "smoker" is immune to the effects, could it be instead burnt like incense and thereby effect everyone within the cloud? Sounds like a gods send for any camp healer.

No. The smoker being immune to the sleep effects of the tobacco is a sort of 'safety option', like a designated driver thing. Remember, those under the sleep effects of the smoke can't be awakened under any circumstances. Picture if you will, the group is hurt and tired, some more than others and desperately in need of rest and recuperation. They pull out a dose of Sleepytime and set it to burn like incence. Soon the entire group is resting peacefully, waiting to wake in the morning fully refreshed and ready to go. Suddenly [random nasty monster] appears at the edge of the camp, stumbling over branches, snapping logs and trees as he makes his way to the soundly sleeping camp. Unfortunately, because of the Sleepytime, no one wakes up or is even able to awaken as the monster comes tearing through the camp, slaying and eating the party members in an orgy of blood and gore. Now, if someone had actually smoked it, that person would have been immune to the effects and been able to wake up or at least keep watch so that when the nasty monster showed up he could have fought the creature off or at least found a clever way to get his friends to a safe place.

The best use of Sleepytime is to have the person smoking the stuff be the strongest of the party, 'strongest' being a relative term referring to the one most capable of handling a fight if necessary. It might also help to have an extra person waiting outside the range of effect just in case. Now of course if you're in a completely secured area such as a room at an inn or your own home, basically anyplace where you know you won't be getting attacked in your sleep, then everyone can benefit from the use of Sleepytime... just have more than one person smoking it. The extra dose being smoked by Smoker B will require Smoker A to save as well while Smoker B will still be required to save against Smoker A's dose. Eventually, everybody in the room will be asleep, guaranteed.
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Gryphon Chick wrote:The lady centaur returns to the shop the next day to pick up her tents. Accompanying her is a rather scraggly looking Puck.
"You better behave yourself in here," the centaur warns, "otherwise I will drag you out of the shop myself."

The old man smiles brightly with a friendly wave as she enters, sauntering over and giving her a friendly pat on the flank. "Charonis, glad to see you again, welcome! I trust you are here for your tents." Rapping the end of his walking stick sharply against the floor a few times, he offers her a Mai Tai as Squeeb the spindly looking Goblin groans and shuffles his way out from the back room bearing a smallish pack on his back that looks to weigh all of 20 lbs. As he reaches the centaur's side, he gives a high pitched grunt as he heaves the pack up onto her back before collapsing in utter exhaustion, panting like an overworked sled dog. "You'll find the tents and shoes wrapped up in there. If you like I can have the shoes applied right now, though any blacksmith is capable." He sweeps a discerning eye to the scraggly looking Puck with a wry grin. "And, if I may be so bold, might I inquire who your date is?"
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:Is anyone in contact with Julius? I hope nothing terrible has happened to him/her that would keep him from obsessively prowling the forums like the rest of us.

Apologies to you and all of my adoring fans and loyal customers. Life has been rough for dear old Uncle remus as of late by laying him out with a nasty flu that came with a bonus sinus infection. For the past couple weeks it has felt like there is a little kid in my head over-inflating a balloon in my sinuses. I have recovered from the flu finally, but the sinus infection remains in full force, though I am winning that little fight too. Rest assured nothing too terrible has happened to me. I'm just rolling along a bit slower than I usually do. I greatly appreciate your patience and hope I have responded adequately to your posts :D

Good luck and great gaming!
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:
Stone Gargoyle wrote:The family follows Bubbles behind the curtain even as Rezzidoo and the architect leave the shop. The squire who was acting as messenger for the elven wizard remains in the main room, looking around the shop, as he has not been dismissed and is rather intrigued by all the wondrous items..

Remus gives a short bow and a warm smile to each as they pass by, glancing to the curious squire with a devilish grin and a twinkle in his bespectacled eye. "And you, young man... is there anything you see that piques your interest?"
"I shall be knighted soon and will be entrusted to the security of the castle, so I did wish to inquire about a suit of the Dragon Plate armor with fire for the breath weapon. Torc does so love his Beast Leather, and he told me of the Dragon Plate," the squire explains. "I am sure my Lord the Wizard will not mind it being added to the already large amount of stuff he is purchasing from you. I would also like to inquire as to what interesting sorts of swords you might have, maybe something less than usual and suited to the dragon theme of the castle."
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
Gryphon Chick
Adventurer
Posts: 605
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:01 pm
Comment: "Incredible Cosmic Power! ...teeny tiny living space."
Location: "France...We come from France."

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Gryphon Chick »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man smiles brightly with a friendly wave as she enters, sauntering over and giving her a friendly pat on the flank. "Charonis, glad to see you again, welcome! I trust you are here for your tents." Rapping the end of his walking stick sharply against the floor a few times, he offers her a Mai Tai as Squeeb the spindly looking Goblin groans and shuffles his way out from the back room bearing a smallish pack on his back that looks to weigh all of 20 lbs. As he reaches the centaur's side, he gives a high pitched grunt as he heaves the pack up onto her back before collapsing in utter exhaustion, panting like an overworked sled dog. "You'll find the tents and shoes wrapped up in there. If you like I can have the shoes applied right now, though any blacksmith is capable." He sweeps a discerning eye to the scraggly looking Puck with a wry grin. "And, if I may be so bold, might I inquire who your date is?"
"The shoes I have on will suffice for now. I can change out my shoes later myself if need be, or get one of the men to do it. No need trouble yourself now." Charonis takes the mai tai and downs it before gesturing to the Puck. "This here is Treestump. Treat him fairly... He's grumpy in general but okay otherwise."
The puck snorts defensively. "Thought I'd take a gander and yer goods myself as the 'horse' seems to think you might have stuff what I might be able to use. What have ye in the way of crossbows that can fire unusual bolts, you know, tar and the like?"
"Sorry, I'm busy tonight...Same thing I do every night...Trying the take over the world..."
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man listens to the tiger man's story with an odd mix of curiosity and amusement flashing through his eyes every so often, particularly at the part about finding his shop here. With an understanding nod he waves his hand, his old rocking chair sliding up behind him as the fireplace roars to life, settling into his chair with a steaming cup of tea as a comfortable looking armchair bounds up behind Smokey Joe, gesturing for him to have a seat. "When it comes to jobs I can offer, yes, I have a few things I can think of that can be done... nothing too terribly taxing or illegal... well, maybe fracturing the occasional law will be necessary, but not very often and I'm sure you could handle it. I have to warn you though... you will likely have to deal with a good deal of weird if you work for me. I know you'd like to avoid that kind of thing, but let's face it... you're coming to a place called 'The Emporium of the Arcane', referred by a cranky old Jew that runs a second rate voodoo shop in Queens and... " he gives a slight wave of his hand causing a dim flash of light to reveal the pair of faeries at the Smokey Joe's feet apparently trying to tie his shoelaces together. With a startled squeal they vanish in a puff of glittery purple smoke as the old man continues. "Well let's just say that one man's weird is another man's mundane. One thing that does interest me, though, is what you may have left in that bag of yours. You said the HooDoo Jew was able to take the weird stuff off your hands, but I'd like to see what else you have, particularly if Freddy the Fence wasn't interested. Of course I'll give you a good price for anything that sparks my interest as well and we'll still be able to discuss the possibility of a job."


Joe looks suspiciously at the walking furniture, but takes the offered seat with a nod of thanks and sinks back into the chair with a rumbling sigh. “You make a good point Mr. Remus. I left an odd place, traveled a strange route, only to wind up smack in the middle of weird. No offense to you or shop here. Much as I might hate to admit it, it seems my normal days may be a thing of the past.”
At the wave of Uncle Remus’ hand, Joe notices a flash of light and movement near his feet. He looks down in time to notice a couple of …faeries (?!) squeal and vanish in a puff of glittery purple smoke. “Holy jeez, what in the hell is going on here” he exclaims!? Joe startled as much by the faeries as by the sudden appearance of shoes on his hind paws, quickly pulls the shoes off and sets them aside. “See what I mean about things not being normal anymore? Here I am, not up to nothing, and weird stuff happens to me all on its own. Used to be the weirdest thing I ever dealt with was finding unexpected stuff in the trash or at the dump. It's damn unsettling.

So you’re interested in what I’ve got left in the bag? It’s not much, but I’ll show it to you. Sell it or trade it, I don’t really have any use for the stuff.”
Reaching into his bag, Joe begins to pull things out of it making piles on the floor near his chair. Out comes a tattered Salvation Army blanket, a chipped and dented Salvation Army donation bucket and bell. A large metal flashlight with the words Mag-Lite etched into the side and a battered, black fiberglass baseball bat. Lastly he adds a pair of brown cotton Jersey gloves and a stoppered clay jug with XXX painted on the side. “This stuff I’m holding on to.”

In a separate pile Joe lays out the following items:
Four old glass Coca-Cola bottles (pre-1970).
1 razor sharp machete. “I took this off of that guy what knocked me down. He was gonna use it to hack up this girl he had tied to the bed. Figured it would be a good idea not to let him do that. Might be some blood on it. I didn't bother to ask. He kept hollering about virgins and The Great Dismemberer”
3 gold rings. “Found these under a floor board in the same house where that girl was gonna be sacrificed. Bunch of skulls and bones were down there too, but I didn’t mess with them”
A full silverware setting for 5 made of real, but heavily tarnished, silver.
1 huge, (4’x3’) creepy looking painting of a bear in the forest under a full moon. “I got this painting when trying to sell some stuff earlier. It was right after I got bit. Something about it, I just couldn’t resist”
1 handmade necklace. It is made with a leather thong, polished stone beads, and 1 enormous (3x normal size) bear claw that glows slightly. “Got this necklace from the same guy who sold me the painting. I couldn't tell you why, but at the time I had to have it.”
1 silver chain necklace with a large silver D6 pendant. “This was all that was left of that biker guy whose head peeled back and his skull caught fire”

“This is what I have for sale or trade. Like I said, none of it is doing me any good. Takes up space in my bag. If you don’t want any of it, no hard feelings. You never did mention how you might be able to help me keep the lights and water on and the fridge stocked up. That old cranky Jew let on like you'd have or know a way of keeping it from being a recurring problem. To be honest he wasn't really clear. He said, follow the directions I gave you, Uncle Remus is who you need to see. It's 4AM, get your hairy tiger ass out of my shop!”
Last edited by The Oh So Amazing Nate on Wed Mar 06, 2013 11:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

In case anyone was interested. Smokey Joe Gargle looks like

http://www.deviantart.com/download/3378 ... 5l4v0f.jpg
+
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkmol ... 1_1280.jpg

What Smokey Joe Gargle sounds like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXnEeNglN5g
+
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD2CszHD1fU

Like Clint Eastwood with a throat full of phlegm. haha
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

I find it frustrating that JuliusCreed has been on the forums since my last response was posted and has not responded to it. If such neglect of this thread continues, I might have to stop posting here.
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:I find it frustrating that JuliusCreed has been on the forums since my last response was posted and has not responded to it. If such neglect of this thread continues, I might have to stop posting here.


Eeeaaaaasssssy big fella. we can't know for sure what kind of IRL problems he might be having. To be fair, we're pretty demanding of him when it comes to that particular thread. The way things have been going, each reply is can be considered a pretty huge undertaking.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:
Stone Gargoyle wrote:I find it frustrating that JuliusCreed has been on the forums since my last response was posted and has not responded to it. If such neglect of this thread continues, I might have to stop posting here.


Eeeaaaaasssssy big fella. we can't know for sure what kind of IRL problems he might be having. To be fair, we're pretty demanding of him when it comes to that particular thread. The way things have been going, each reply is can be considered a pretty huge undertaking.
The fact that he has been on the forums but not responded to this thread in like two weeks is disconcerting. I am not complaining as if I expect him to respond the next day or even a few days, I am complaining because as of now it has been two weeks since he has made an appearance in this thread even though he has been in the forums, I checked his profile.
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

I understand, but what's he been posting? I like cheese is a much easier post than a treatise on the enjoyability of cheeses based on the animal that supplied the milk.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:I understand, but what's he been posting? I like cheese is a much easier post than a treatise on the enjoyability of cheeses based on the animal that supplied the milk.
You have a point, and I do like cheese...
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Stone Gargoyle wrote:
JuliusCreed wrote:
Stone Gargoyle wrote:The family follows Bubbles behind the curtain even as Rezzidoo and the architect leave the shop. The squire who was acting as messenger for the elven wizard remains in the main room, looking around the shop, as he has not been dismissed and is rather intrigued by all the wondrous items..

Remus gives a short bow and a warm smile to each as they pass by, glancing to the curious squire with a devilish grin and a twinkle in his bespectacled eye. "And you, young man... is there anything you see that piques your interest?"
"I shall be knighted soon and will be entrusted to the security of the castle, so I did wish to inquire about a suit of the Dragon Plate armor with fire for the breath weapon. Torc does so love his Beast Leather, and he told me of the Dragon Plate," the squire explains. "I am sure my Lord the Wizard will not mind it being added to the already large amount of stuff he is purchasing from you. I would also like to inquire as to what interesting sorts of swords you might have, maybe something less than usual and suited to the dragon theme of the castle."


The old man listens carefully and gives a slow nod, taking a sip from his tea cup and setting it to the side as he rises from his creaky old rocking chair. "Yes I can arrange a suit of Dragon Plate for you easily enough... Fire Breath will take a day to get set up though. I tend to keep those additional options off until they're actually ordered. As for a sword.... Well, I have quite an assortment of various types scattered about here. I understand you'd like something 'interesting'... but what sparks my curiosity is what exactly it is you might find interesting. Any ideas as to what you may be looking for, or shall I see what I can, or already have, whipped up for you?"
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Gryphon Chick wrote:
JuliusCreed wrote:The old man smiles brightly with a friendly wave as she enters, sauntering over and giving her a friendly pat on the flank. "Charonis, glad to see you again, welcome! I trust you are here for your tents." Rapping the end of his walking stick sharply against the floor a few times, he offers her a Mai Tai as Squeeb the spindly looking Goblin groans and shuffles his way out from the back room bearing a smallish pack on his back that looks to weigh all of 20 lbs. As he reaches the centaur's side, he gives a high pitched grunt as he heaves the pack up onto her back before collapsing in utter exhaustion, panting like an overworked sled dog. "You'll find the tents and shoes wrapped up in there. If you like I can have the shoes applied right now, though any blacksmith is capable." He sweeps a discerning eye to the scraggly looking Puck with a wry grin. "And, if I may be so bold, might I inquire who your date is?"
"The shoes I have on will suffice for now. I can change out my shoes later myself if need be, or get one of the men to do it. No need trouble yourself now." Charonis takes the mai tai and downs it before gesturing to the Puck. "This here is Treestump. Treat him fairly... He's grumpy in general but okay otherwise."
The puck snorts defensively. "Thought I'd take a gander and yer goods myself as the 'horse' seems to think you might have stuff what I might be able to use. What have ye in the way of crossbows that can fire unusual bolts, you know, tar and the like?"

With a warm smile he turns to the Puck and gives a considering nod at his request. "Crossbows that fire unusual bolts... well, right off the top of my head there's my Angler's Crossbow you'll find in aisle (page) 1. Or I have....

Screamer: An interesting enchantment that can be applied to bows, crossbows and slings. When activated, missiles fired from the weapon emit a horrible screech as it flies through the air toward its target. The target must make a saving throw vs Magic of 14 or better or be frozen in terror as the arrow/bolt/stone streaks toward him or her to strike for double damage. Missiles fired from the weapon while this enchantment is activated are +3 to strike for the purpose of determining whether or not the strike beats the target's AR, otherwise targets are struck automatically unless the save is successful, in which case victims may dodge the shot as usual. The enchantment remains active for only one melee round when activated, but may be activated up to 5 times per 24 hour period. As a side application, the screech of the missiles fired can be heard for up to 1000 yards, making for an excellent signal device or a handy distraction, as well. Cost: 20,000 gold

Trap Shot: Applied to bows and crossbows only, this deceptively simple enchantment makes shots fired from it cast a limited form of Carpet of Adhesion over a small surface area of the target it strikes. If fired at the ground, the CoA will affect a roughly 2 foot radius around the point the arrow or bolt strikes for a duration of 10 melee rounds. Firing an arrow or bolt at the feet of an attacker, while a sound idea, is more difficult than one might imagine however, especially considering the extremely mobile nature of hand to hand combat. Striking a patch of ground at a target's feet in order to adhere them to the CoA area requires a Called Shot of 15 or better. Targets are allowed to Dodge, however they do so at a -3 due to the fact that the arrow isn't even aimed at them in the first place. Plus if the Dodge is successful, there is actually a 30% chance the target will be struck by the arrow rather than the ground at his or her feet. (normal damage) This enchantment may be activated up to 5 times per 24 hour period and affects only 1 arrow per activation. Cost: 10,000 gold
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:Joe looks suspiciously at the walking furniture, but takes the offered seat with a nod of thanks and sinks back into the chair with a rumbling sigh. “You make a good point Mr. Remus. I left an odd place, traveled a strange route, only to wind up smack in the middle of weird. No offense to you or shop here. Much as I might hate to admit it, it seems my normal days may be a thing of the past.”
At the wave of Uncle Remus’ hand, Joe notices a flash of light and movement near his feet. He looks down in time to notice a couple of …faeries (?!) squeal and vanish in a puff of glittery purple smoke. “Holy jeez, what in the hell is going on here” he exclaims!? Joe startled as much by the faeries as by the sudden appearance of shoes on his hind paws, quickly pulls the shoes off and sets them aside. “See what I mean about things not being normal anymore? Here I am, not up to nothing, and weird stuff happens to me all on its own. Used to be the weirdest thing I ever dealt with was finding unexpected stuff in the trash or at the dump. It's damn unsettling.

So you’re interested in what I’ve got left in the bag? It’s not much, but I’ll show it to you. Sell it or trade it, I don’t really have any use for the stuff.”
Reaching into his bag, Joe begins to pull things out of it making piles on the floor near his chair. Out comes a tattered Salvation Army blanket, a chipped and dented Salvation Army donation bucket and bell. A large metal flashlight with the words Mag-Lite etched into the side and a battered, black fiberglass baseball bat. Lastly he adds a pair of brown cotton Jersey gloves and a stoppered clay jug with XXX painted on the side. “This stuff I’m holding on to.”

In a separate pile Joe lays out the following items:
Four old glass Coca-Cola bottles (pre-1970).
1 razor sharp machete. “I took this off of that guy what knocked me down. He was gonna use it to hack up this girl he had tied to the bed. Figured it would be a good idea not to let him do that. Might be some blood on it. I didn't bother to ask. He kept hollering about virgins and The Great Dismemberer”
3 gold rings. “Found these under a floor board in the same house where that girl was gonna be sacrificed. Bunch of skulls and bones were down there too, but I didn’t mess with them”
A full silverware setting for 5 made of real, but heavily tarnished, silver.
1 huge, (4’x3’) creepy looking painting of a bear in the forest under a full moon. “I got this painting when trying to sell some stuff earlier. It was right after I got bit. Something about it, I just couldn’t resist”
1 handmade necklace. It is made with a leather thong, polished stone beads, and 1 enormous (3x normal size) bear claw that glows slightly. “Got this necklace from the same guy who sold me the painting. I couldn't tell you why, but at the time I had to have it.”
1 silver chain necklace with a large silver D6 pendant. “This was all that was left of that biker guy whose head peeled back and his skull caught fire”

“This is what I have for sale or trade. Like I said, none of it is doing me any good. Takes up space in my bag. If you don’t want any of it, no hard feelings. You never did mention how you might be able to help me keep the lights and water on and the fridge stocked up. That old cranky Jew let on like you'd have or know a way of keeping it from being a recurring problem. To be honest he wasn't really clear. He said, follow the directions I gave you, Uncle Remus is who you need to see. It's 4AM, get your hairy tiger ass out of my shop!”


The old man looks through the pile, nudging here and there at a few things with his walking stick as he browses, shuffling a few things to the side with a quiet muttering every so often. After a short while, he's separated the items into two different piles, the Coke bottles, gold rings and silverware in one, the machete, painting and 2 necklaces in the other. "I'll be happy to buy this pile right here from you..." He taps his stick on the floor next to the bottles, rings and silverware. "... the rest of this stuff... let's just say I highly recommend you hang on to those. They may come in handy in the near future, particularly the bear claw necklace. That's some good ju-ju there... magic near as ancient as time itself. The machete... well, no offense to the bat you have, but a machete tends to be a more effective weapon and tool and this one is particularly special. That painting... I'm not sure what I can tell you about it, but you're right... there is just something about it. And that other necklace with the die for a pendant... wear that and I have a feeling your luck will take a significant turn for the better..." He smiles softly, leaning back in his chair, sweeping his stick in a quick arc across the floor and sending something skittering away with a flurry of giggles. "As for how much I'll pay you for the rest of that... how does say.... 1000 bucks sound?"
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
JuliusCreed
Hero
Posts: 1115
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:56 pm
Comment: Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift.
That's why it is called "the present".
Location: Texas... what country are you from?

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by JuliusCreed »

Wow.... I certainly have been away for some time, haven't I? Life certainly has been hectic for me these past few weeks... tax time rolls through and the extra financial influx takes up my attention more than :twisted: **CENSORED DUE TO EXTREMELY ADULT CONTENT** :twisted: . In the end though, I can only convey my sincerest apologies to those of you that have frequented my shop as often as you have, and sincerely and profusely thank you all for your patience and understanding in the delays of my posts. For those that have noticed me coming on and not posting here, (you know who you are :wink: ) I can only say, I'm sorry, but my mobile is a monster to type on and the shop does require some pretty lengthy posts... I'd hate to see anyone's thumbs after trying to text in something of that size. :lol: Anyway, now that things on my end have settled in some, I am able to dedicate a bit more time to my duties here. However, I must warn you, my loyal patrons, that another part of my absences is due to my starting to actually follow the advice of many of you and my wife and start actually getting this stuff in my head put onto hard copy and sending it in for publishing. No promises on that, but keep your eyes open folks... Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane may one day see itself on the pages of a Rifter should the Palladium gods see fit to allow it.

Again, my apologies for the lengthy delays and my thanks for your continued patience and patronage. Without people like you, I could never be what I am now.

Good luck and great gaming!!
Sure, lions and tigers are stronger...
But I've never seen a wolf jump through hoops in a circus
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

Glad to see things are sorting out well for you sir and that you've not been the victim of some illness or horrible catastrophe.

Joe will reply soon and have some very very strange goodies for your consideration.

Nate.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

A new theory as to the location of Uncle Remus's Emporium. Could it be in the Astral plane? Cause while Joe was waiting for Uncle Remus to decide on his items for purchase, Joe was also out getting into more weird situations. Sounds like a fragmented soul type deal to me. Part of me was there, part of me was elsewhere all at the same time.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
The Oh So Amazing Nate
Hero
Posts: 1455
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:29 am
Location: West Central region of Indiana

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by The Oh So Amazing Nate »

All items; past, present, and most likely future, come from the following thread viewtopic.php?f=10&t=39719 {1st post and 7th post}. Mundane items, those without an interesting back story/description, are just normal things. Or so I think because the GM or Remus hasn't told me differently.

I'll finish this up soon. Got distracted by my job.
Look upon me and tremble ye masses. For I am The Necroposter!
keir451 wrote:Amazing Nate; Thanks for your support!

Razzinold wrote:And the award for best witty retort to someone reporting a minor vehicular collision goes to:
The Oh So Amazing Nate!

Nate, you sir win the internet for today! You've definitely earned the "oh so amazing" part of your name today. :lol:
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:The old man listens carefully and gives a slow nod, taking a sip from his tea cup and setting it to the side as he rises from his creaky old rocking chair. "Yes I can arrange a suit of Dragon Plate for you easily enough... Fire Breath will take a day to get set up though. I tend to keep those additional options off until they're actually ordered. As for a sword.... Well, I have quite an assortment of various types scattered about here. I understand you'd like something 'interesting'... but what sparks my curiosity is what exactly it is you might find interesting. Any ideas as to what you may be looking for, or shall I see what I can, or already have, whipped up for you?"
Getting a somewhat wicked gleam in his eye, the messenger/squire responds. "I am actually thinking of something that is capable of transforming into a dragon-like or snakelike form and reaching out to strike like a viper, allowing me to stand with the sword and allowing it to attack/strike on its own, similar to a snake or dragon head. Such a thing would have to be able to strike on its own or be directed by me with a bonus to strike, and the bite damage would be the normal blade damage plus a damage bonus when striking on its own, and I should like it to have a damage bonus when wielded as a sword also. Would such a weapon be possible?"
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
User avatar
Gryphon Chick
Adventurer
Posts: 605
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:01 pm
Comment: "Incredible Cosmic Power! ...teeny tiny living space."
Location: "France...We come from France."

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Gryphon Chick »

JuliusCreed wrote:
Gryphon Chick wrote:The puck snorts defensively. "Thought I'd take a gander and yer goods myself as the 'horse' seems to think you might have stuff what I might be able to use. What have ye in the way of crossbows that can fire unusual bolts, you know, tar and the like?"

With a warm smile he turns to the Puck and gives a considering nod at his request. "Crossbows that fire unusual bolts... well, right off the top of my head there's my Angler's Crossbow you'll find in aisle (page) 1. Or I have....

Screamer: An interesting enchantment that can be applied to bows, crossbows and slings. When activated, missiles fired from the weapon emit a horrible screech as it flies through the air toward its target. The target must make a saving throw vs Magic of 14 or better or be frozen in terror as the arrow/bolt/stone streaks toward him or her to strike for double damage. Missiles fired from the weapon while this enchantment is activated are +3 to strike for the purpose of determining whether or not the strike beats the target's AR, otherwise targets are struck automatically unless the save is successful, in which case victims may dodge the shot as usual. The enchantment remains active for only one melee round when activated, but may be activated up to 5 times per 24 hour period. As a side application, the screech of the missiles fired can be heard for up to 1000 yards, making for an excellent signal device or a handy distraction, as well. Cost: 20,000 gold

Trap Shot: Applied to bows and crossbows only, this deceptively simple enchantment makes shots fired from it cast a limited form of Carpet of Adhesion over a small surface area of the target it strikes. If fired at the ground, the CoA will affect a roughly 2 foot radius around the point the arrow or bolt strikes for a duration of 10 melee rounds. Firing an arrow or bolt at the feet of an attacker, while a sound idea, is more difficult than one might imagine however, especially considering the extremely mobile nature of hand to hand combat. Striking a patch of ground at a target's feet in order to adhere them to the CoA area requires a Called Shot of 15 or better. Targets are allowed to Dodge, however they do so at a -3 due to the fact that the arrow isn't even aimed at them in the first place. Plus if the Dodge is successful, there is actually a 30% chance the target will be struck by the arrow rather than the ground at his or her feet. (normal damage) This enchantment may be activated up to 5 times per 24 hour period and affects only 1 arrow per activation. Cost: 10,000 gold
"The angler's Crossbow is reel interesting," the puck says, laughing to himself at his own joke. "I will have to consider that one. The tar bolts I had in mind were for more than just snaring or trapping an opponent, though. I was actually thinking of something I could shoot in the opponent's face or eyes to blind them and make it hard to breathe." He considers more. "I will take the Angler's Crossbow, but am still interested in something to shoot someone in the face to blind them or on their weapon to make it less sharp, something that will coat what it hits..." He considers more. "Suppose I'll take that Trap Shot enchantment also. Will the Angler's Crossbow fire regular shots as well as the special line or is it just for that purpose? If it can fire normal shots, I could have the Trap Shot enchantment done to the Angler's Crossbow, no? If not, I'll have the enchantment put on the regular crossbow I carry. I really have no use for the Screamer enchantment, however."
"Sorry, I'm busy tonight...Same thing I do every night...Trying the take over the world..."
User avatar
Stone Gargoyle
Virtuoso of Variants
Posts: 9990
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:18 pm
Comment: "Your inferiority complex might be justified."
Location: Lurking on rooftops like a proper gargoyle should, in and around Tacoma, WA.
Contact:

Re: Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

Unread post by Stone Gargoyle »

JuliusCreed wrote:Wow.... I certainly have been away for some time, haven't I? Life certainly has been hectic for me these past few weeks... tax time rolls through and the extra financial influx takes up my attention more than :twisted: **CENSORED DUE TO EXTREMELY ADULT CONTENT** :twisted: . In the end though, I can only convey my sincerest apologies to those of you that have frequented my shop as often as you have, and sincerely and profusely thank you all for your patience and understanding in the delays of my posts. For those that have noticed me coming on and not posting here, (you know who you are :wink: ) I can only say, I'm sorry, but my mobile is a monster to type on and the shop does require some pretty lengthy posts... I'd hate to see anyone's thumbs after trying to text in something of that size. :lol: Anyway, now that things on my end have settled in some, I am able to dedicate a bit more time to my duties here. However, I must warn you, my loyal patrons, that another part of my absences is due to my starting to actually follow the advice of many of you and my wife and start actually getting this stuff in my head put onto hard copy and sending it in for publishing. No promises on that, but keep your eyes open folks... Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane may one day see itself on the pages of a Rifter should the Palladium gods see fit to allow it.

Again, my apologies for the lengthy delays and my thanks for your continued patience and patronage. Without people like you, I could never be what I am now.

Good luck and great gaming!!
Good luck with that. Hopefully you have more to show them than what has been on the boards already, though, as I have found it is difficult to sell them on stuff you've already basically given away for free.
"SG, you are a limitless fountain of Butt-Saving Advice. You Rock, Stone and Concrete." ~ TrumbachD
Post Reply

Return to “Palladium Fantasy RPG®”